The family is an important influence on the spiritual formation of children and adults. Yet the family was never intended to function in isolation from other believers. There are at least three levels at which people can be influenced in their faith development: the immediate family, the extended family or small group, and the organized church. The latter two can be important sources of encouragement and support for individual families.

The Immediate Family

The immediate family consists of one or both parents and any biological or adopted children. The Christian ideal is for the immediate family to engage in mutual discipleship and fellowship in a biblical manner. This includes vulnerability with one another and an attitude of openness and desiring to hear from God by every member of the family.

Scripture is central to parent-child relationships, with the parent/s guiding the children and teaching them about God, the Bible, prayer, and so on. This is a primary focus for the family in scripture. Yet parents also may learn from their children, as Jesus emphasized, as kids are open to the Lord and take on the role of a fellow believer. Parents are guides and teachers that should have the humility to be taught by their children, at least occasionally.

As children mature in the Lord, they should become more able to teach one another as well, in keeping with the instruction they have received from parents and God in their personal study. For siblings to effectively influence one another spiritually, there must be humility not only about the limits of one’s own understanding, but also the humility to learn from and value what can be learned from brothers and sisters.

The immediate family is the focus of the formation of faith because the Bible gives primary emphasis to parents teaching their children; this should be the primary place where children receive their faith learning and where they see actual faith in action day by day. Parents should not depend upon the church to do the job God has designed for them to do, although of course churches can be of great help in the spiritual formation of family members.

The Extended Family / Supportive Small Group

Grandparents and other extended family members can be important influences upon children, assuming they have an active and positive faith. Yet, the immediate family tends to be increasingly isolated from extended family members in modern society. Thus there is often a need for others to help fill this role—a group close enough to be very involved in one another’s lives. This substitute for the extended family would be sufficiently involved with one another that if there is a crisis, they could and would call other members of the group in the middle of the night, as would a traditional extended family. Also like an extended family, there is close companionship, support, mutual prayer and sharing, something needed more today than ever before.

The small group that functions like an extended family may be a Sunday school class, a home Bible study group, or other collection of people that covenants together to support and care deeply for one another. The New Testament church probably resembled this kind of group most of the time (at least occasionally there were larger group meetings, as when Paul or another apostle visited a given area, which might resemble some aspects of the modern church). Unfortunately, groups resembling the extended family are often missing in modern society. Some smaller churches may approximate this kind of group, yet all churches can encourage and equip such groups as part of their ministry.

The Church

Scripture is very clear about the important role of the church being like a family. Indeed the church may be the main family for single adults, many elderly people, and others who lack literal families that are faith-centered. The church ideally enhances the potential for close relationships with all members of the family of God through worship, biblical instruction and dialogue, discipleship, evangelism, fellowship, music ministry, community outreach, and so on. Local churches also can enhance family life in both the immediate and extended family/small group settings.

There are many, of course, who believe that the organized church should be the primary focus of the spiritual life; some people distrust, dislike, or simply do not have time for "extended family" sorts of groups. There is much that a local church body can do in helping such individuals, although churches tend to be somewhat less effective than the immediate and "extended family" in connecting faith with daily life. Churches can be family-friendly, and do many other things well, but they cannot replace the immediate family and generally do not resemble the extended family or small group in terms of intimacy. But churches are important, and in addition to the other important functions listed above, they can be an important encouragement to family faith formation (see the "Church Role" link above).

Conclusion

The faith formation of children is overwhelmingly attributed to parents in Deuteronomy 6, a pattern probably continued in the New Testament with the likely supplement of the extended family/small group and at least occasional gathering of the larger church body. Authentic faith is significantly influenced by the groups of which we are part, groups in which people regularly and positively speak about their faith. This is the reason we are told, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching" (Heb. 10:25). All three levels--the immediate family, the extended family/small group, and the church--can be important influences upon the faith of children and adults when the three work in harmony, under the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

Outline of the book ChildFaith:
Experiencing God and
Spiritual Growth with Your Children